A transformation has been taking place.
About 3 ½ years ago, one of my family members reached out to me for help. My niece, whom I’ll call Madison, or Maddie, was in the depths of drug and alcohol addiction. (She is very open about her recovery and is comfortable with me sharing her story). She is just a few years younger than I am and had recently gotten out of serving a prison term of 3 years due to drug-related felonies. Maddie has in fact spent years of her life in jail, a few months here, a year there. It was becoming like a revolving door, in and out, round and round, and the time in was getting longer. Her future looked bleak.
She has a history of severe trauma and of being in abusive relationships. When she contacted me, Maddie was jobless, homeless, suicidal and wanting help with her addiction.
I spent more than two years providing intensive, multi-layered support to my niece and helping connect her with necessary resources. I coached and encouraged her. I was her advocate with doctors, judges and others influencing her health and future. As her aunt, I was able to provide support on more levels than I could for, say, a client. I gave her love. I became a “mom.” And all you moms out there know being a mom includes being a teacher, a therapist and cheerleader. It means hanging in there through the hard times. I had my fair share of sleepless nights. It was by far my biggest challenge, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Being a mom also means celebrating the successes.
As of July 6th, Maddie has been clean and sober 3 years (congrats, Maddie!). She has a job she enjoys. She is in a loving relationship, and jail is a thing of the past. For the first time in her life, Maddie is experiencing happiness. In short, Maddie’s life has transformed.
Just as I have experienced a transformation. I wrote about where things began for me in my first book, Journey to One. I don’t have experience with addiction, but having come out on the other side of my own difficult journey, I had a pretty good understanding how Maddie might best be supported in her healing and recovery. It wasn’t all me. Maddie was ready for change. She pulled her own weight, and together we did it.
Through helping Maddie, it was very eye-opening to learn about the prevalence of addiction, and how truly difficult it is for people to successfully manage it, particularly when they don’t have family or social support. Jails are literally filled with addicts, and the chances of getting out of the system are rather slim. The odds do improve with treatment, and I applaud institutions that focus on treatment, rather than punishment, and provide these individuals with tools and resources to have a fighting chance.
Maddie often speaks at AA meetings now, sharing her story to help others. I love it when the goodness ripples outwardly.
There is a whole chapter devoted to Maddie’s incredible story in my second book, which is completed (woohoo!) and being prepared for publication (I’ll keep you posted on its progress).
More than anything, I believe LOVE was the foundation for Maddie’s transformation. When I speak of love, I’m referring to unconditional love. That is, a way of viewing ourselves and others without judgment. There is a purity to it, like water at the source of a spring, before it is filtered, polluted or has chemicals added to it. It comes straight from the heart, before the mind has had a chance to put limitations on it. It is this love that rekindles hope, allows happiness to blossom, and leads us to make choices that support our own and others’ growth.
In yoga, the focus is often on the physical (sweating our way through another sun salutation) or on the mental (meditating to quiet the thoughts), and we can sometimes forget about the heart. Sure we wear our “Love rocks” t-shirts, go to yoga festivals and sing love mantras, and send love beams to people around the world when tragedy strikes. But is not love the most powerful when it is grounded in action? When love is in motion?
Love can be expressed in big ways and small ways. Most simply, it can be expressed through acts of kindness in everyday life. It might be choosing to respond in a more compassionate way with your spouse or teenager. It might be helping your neighbor with a gardening project. Perhaps it’s volunteering on a community task force to help reduce homelessness. Or adopting an animal from the shelter. Or donating supplies for victims of a natural disaster. It may be making eye contact and smiling to a stranger. Or, helping a family member who struggles with addiction to get treatment.
Practicing kindness helps us connect with our hearts. That’s what yoga is about – being dialed in to body, mind, heart and soul. Love is a win-win; it does good for others, and it makes us feel good, too. Most importantly, love transforms. So let’s feel it, be it and spread it around!
I’m interested in hearing from you: Has yoga played a role in your recovery? Are you a yoga teacher who has brought the benefits of this practice to alcoholics/addicts or other special groups? What kind acts could you do with your family or local community to ripple out the transformative effects of love?
Living Yoga 